“Secession!” Fixico screamed to the gathered masses. “Tulsa should
secede from Oklahoma!”
The crowd went wild with approving applause. Shouts of “Secession
Now!” could be heard throughout the motley throng.
The occasion was a rally that me, Yahola, Tarpalechee, and Fixico
organized at Guthrie Green in the heart of The Magic City. Like many
Oklahomans, we had been quite unhappy with the ultra-conservative
bent of Sooner State politics for several years.
Things had gotten considerably worse with the election of Kevin Stitt as
governor. That the modern-day Indian fighter and Andy Jackson
wannabe had declared jihad against the tribes was bad enough. Now
the governor and the state legislature had declared war on local control
by an attempted invasion of city governments. This was cancel culture
at its worst.
Fixico was greatly enjoying his moment in the spotlight. His theatrics
egged on the boisterous crowd. He was equal parts showman and
cheerleader. At one point he had the left side of the crowd shout
“Secession!” while the right side of the crowd responded “Now!” Fixico
was conducting the crowd with a large Tulsa flag in much the same way
that a band leader uses a baton. It wasn’t quite Boomer! Sooner! But it
was close.
Once the shouting subsided, Fixico addressed the crowd.
“Ladies and gentlemen”, Fixico began. “Oklahoma has launched an
unprecedented attack on towns and cities. Their goal is state control
over local governments.”
The crowd begin loud booing and hissing.
“The last straw,” Fixico continued, “Is Senate Bill 1360 which effectively
makes homelessness a crime and imposes state sanctions on cities for
having a homeless population.”
Many in the crowd begin tearing up the Oklahoma state flag. One guy
set the state flag on fire. As he waved the burning flag on a long pole
the crowd enthusiastically clapped their approval.
“Accordingly, it is time for Tulsa to secede and to declare its
independence from Oklahoma. I have written a Declaration of
Independence document that I would now like to read to you.”
More wild and approving applause from the crowd. Fixico begins
reading the Tulsa Declaration of Independence.
“Four score and several years ago…wait! Ahem! Wrong speech.”
Fixico fumbles in his pockets and yanks out a crumpled piece of paper.
“Ah, here it is.” Fixico says as he begins reading.
“When in the coarseness of human events, it becomes necessary for
one people to dissolve the political bands that have held them in
bondage to another, they should declare the causes that impale the
separation.
“We hold these truths to be pretty evident, that all Tulsans love the
Tulsa sound and therefore we must break away from Oklahoma.”
There is a hushed silence as people scratch their heads in confusion
over Fixico’s confusing words. Fixico, however, soldiers on.
“The history of the present governor and the state legislature is a
history of encroaching upon the powers and responsibilities of our city
government. Now with Senate Bill 1361, Oklahoma is attempting to
make homelessness a crime and to punish city governments for having
a homeless population.”
Another round of boos! Shouts of “Bullstitt” can be heard throughout
the crowd.
“Now, therefore, let it be resolved that the City of Tulsa hereby secedes
from the state of Oklahoma and shall henceforth be known as Tulsa,
Indian Territory.”
At that moment a huge Tulsa flag is unfurled on the stage behind Fixico.
It says, “Tulsa, Indian Territory.”
The crowd claps its approval.
